THE GREAT OUTDOORS

[mr_ianto_jones]

*makes it to the campsite with Jack exactly on schedule on what can only be described as a lovely spring morning*

*sets up the tents, on his own, in record time, and is only slightly smug about it*
*pokes his head out of the small tent only to find Jack sitting on the bumper of the SUV, fiddling around with his mystery box of alien toys*

I thought you were digging a toilet.

Comments

[agent_harkness]

*fishes something out that looks a lot like a squareness gun*
This'll do the trick.

[mr_ianto_jones]

That is cheating, Harkness. We're supposed to be going back to nature here.

And I really wanted to watch you dig, all manly and... with a spade.

[agent_harkness]

And get myself all worn out.
*sighs*
Fine. But once it's halfway dug, I'm using this.

*gets a spade and trudges off*

[mr_ianto_jones]

*snickers, gets to work furnishing the tent, then goes to look for you*

*leans against a tree*
I was only joking. You could have just used the gun.

[agent_harkness]

*drops the shovel and looks up at you, panting*
You are SO dead.
*lunges for you*

[mr_ianto_jones]

*blocks you by hiding behind a tree, laughing*
Very manly, though. You dug your own shitter, you should be proud.

[agent_harkness]

You SAID you wanted to watch me being all manly and sweaty and shit. You TRICKED me for NOTHING. You are gonna get PUMMELED.
*lunges for the tree, grabbing at you from either side of it*

[mr_ianto_jones]

Since when do you listen to what I say?
*runs back to the car, turns around and points his handpresso at you like a gun*
Wait... truce. Don't come any closer.

[agent_harkness]

*raises an eyebrow and stops*
*folds his arms*
Why not? You gonna brew me to death?

[mr_ianto_jones]

*looks at it*
It's a bit phallic.

I actually came to offer you a coffee. And my wife said no wrestling until she could watch.

[agent_harkness]

*"duh" look*
Um, YES.

She said no such thing. You just WANT her to watch.
*stomps off to install the toilet seat chair thing*

[mr_ianto_jones]

No, she really did say that. But I do want her to watch, yes.
*makes you a coffee and brings it to you*
That's a work of art.

[agent_harkness]

*tears open a bag of lime inside a plastic garbage bag and sticks a scoop in it*
We'll have to keep the paper in the tent or the car. Keep it drier that way.

*sips his coffee and looks at the toilet reflectively*
A work of art that you crap in, yeah.

[mr_ianto_jones]

*drinks his own*
Are we going to erect... a screen of some sort? For the ladies?

[agent_harkness]

*looks at you in surprise*
I suppose we could hang a sheet, if they wanted. I hadn't really though about it; it's far enough away from the camp.

[mr_ianto_jones]

Knowing Caeth, she'll feel like she's being watched by bears or something.
*walks back and rummages around for something suitable*

[agent_harkness]

*yells after you*
Knowing Caeth, she'd do it in the middle of the High Street if you asked her.

[mr_ianto_jones]

*shouts back*
I'm not asking her, Jack. I want her to be comfortable.
*comes back with two sheets and various bits and bobs of spare tent paraphernalia*

*rigs up a screen*
There.

[agent_harkness]

*shrugs*
Whatever you say.

*plays with a hammer*
When are they coming?

[mr_ianto_jones]

My company not good enough for you?
*checks his watch*
Thay'll be here pretty soon. I hope.

[agent_harkness]

*shrugs*
We can't wrestle till they get here.

[mr_ianto_jones]

*holds open the flap of the big tent*
We could... have a rest.
*flops down onto the selection of cushions, sleeping bags and blankets in the corner*

[agent_harkness]

*kicks off his boots and joins you*
Mm, comfy.

[mr_ianto_jones]

Not bad, eh? As long as we keep the dirt out, we should be fine.
*lies back*
It smells like a tent.

[agent_harkness]

*snickers*
Not for long.

*stretches*
Ahhh.
*looks at you*
We can't do ANYTHING before they get here?